Stupid introspection.

I've always managed to define my thoughts, feelings and general sense of well-being through song lyrics, which is a major factor in why I majored in music and still plow through far too many albums. I find myself burning through song after song, consuming the lyrics, chewing on the particularly tasty morsels for a bit longer. 

I mentioned to Cal that I really liked the opening bit to A Fine Frenzy's "Now Is The Start," which goes like this:

Do you hear, do you hear that sound?It's the sound of the lost gone foundIt's the sound of a mute gone loudIt's the sound of a new start

She asked me why, and I didn't have a readied response, so I went back and thought about it. I realized it's yet another instance where a songwriter proves why they are considered songwriters by perfectly encapsulating a general feeling that I have and condensing it into a perfect little tidbit. 

Flash back to August 2011 (yes, I know it's not much of a flashback, but bare with me, here), where I felt so utterly behind in everything that I wanted for myself. I was working a shitty job that I fucking hated, riding the wake of failed relationship after failed relationship, driving a boat-length of American shit-on-wheels and generally feeling like I kept choosing the worst possible decision in each moment of my life.

Flash forward to now, where I feel like I am juuuuust about to where I expected myself to be in my early thirties. I have a job that affords me the privilege of not having weapons drawn on me, a girlfriend whom I am head-over-heels for, and an amazing dog, courtesy of the aforementioned girlfriend. 

I suppose, in a way, I felt like my life was muted, in a strange limbo of sorts. That the surreal existence between living with the POO Crew in San Dimas and now was a holding place. Granted, I've had some good times since then, visiting Scumbag in Portland, some ridiculous parties with Wendy and company and finally getting the tattoos I had wanted forever. 

But, since meeting Cal, the mute button got turned off and the volume turned to eleven. I attribute the happiness I feel when I'm around her as the major catalyst for me wanting to make shit happen, rather than "waiting for the right moment." Thus, I actively searched for, and applied to, and accepted my current position as a publicist, something I've wanted for YEAAARRRRSSS. 

I started writing more, and becoming far more conscientious of my writing, as I didn't want her to think I was a terrible writer, or worse, a lazy writer. I was simply lost, without purpose, without motivation, and wholly without direction. 

I told her that I love writing, but that I am terrible at choosing a subject or prompt. That's probably why I like writing reviews so much, the prompt is "Is this good or bad?" Easy enough. But, with writing about feelings and thoughts, it's easier for someone to ask me a question than it is for me to sit down and think "What should I write about?" Blech. 

So, anyways, THAT'S why I like that line so much. It describes how I am feeling now that I have finally found the start.

And Alison Sudol is not unattractive.